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I don't know how long we just sat there before one of us finally spoke. "I'm not letting you go this easily, Touya. You didn't let me."
"What? Yuki, don't you dare do anything that will take you down with me, or I swear on my mother's grave that I'll--"
"Kill me?" I finished for him. Touya fell silent again, looking down at the picture that I still held.
"Gomen, Yuki." I smiled, curling my fingers against Touya's cheek. He looked surprised at this, but didn't try to pull away from me. I wondered if all that warmth was natural, or from fever. After a moment, he sighed, leaning, almost subconsciously, into my touch.
"It's okay, To-ya. I can understand your being upset. But let's not think about that tonight, ne? You need to rest." And I do too, if I planned on actually accomplishing what I planned to do. Touya nodded, and I set the photo back on the nightstand.
"You look so tired, Yuki. God knows what time the kaijuu called you last night." I smiled, standing to get a change of clothes. I pulled a soft grey pair of sweatpants and a loose blue T-shirt from the bureau and went to change in the adjoining bathroom as I saw Touya crawl between the sheets out of the corner of my eye. He was already wearing the clothes he slept in: black, brushed cotton boxers, and a black tee. I closed the door quietly behind me, stripping down. Touya had managed a shower before he left his house, and I felt that I needed one myself. Yue, the eternally pristine part of me, demanded it. I couldn't go for more than a day and a half without a shower before beginning to get irritable.
The warm water from the shower helped me to clear my head. I decided against soaking tonight. Having a fresh body and mind again felt good enough to me right then. Simmering in hot water and thoughts wasn't going to make me feel any better. I dried my hair and dressed, this time in the sweatpants and tee, dropping my used clothes into the hamper, and padding back out into the bedroom.
Touya had buried his face in the down pillow, and was silent for a moment, as if just breathing in the scent. His arms wrapped around it as he laid on his side, his back to me. Then I heard a strangled sob, and noticed that he was trembling. The sight of it broke my heart. I walked silently over to him, hugging him as best as I could from the angle I was in. I felt him stiffen, ceasing all movement. "It's okay, To-ya. I'm not letting you go. You saved me. It's time for me to undo the damage I've caused." Touya let go of the pillow, and I slackened my hold. He turned to me, his normally expressive eyes filled with nothing but tears, fear, and a deep thread of uncertainty. "Gomen nasai, To-ya. I didn't mean--"
I trailed off as I saw the tears begin to spill from my friend's eyes. Guilt for having accepted Touya's gift of power in the first place, and therefore, putting him through this, flooded through me. I did all I could think to do right then. I laid down next to Touya under the covers, and pulled him close, holding him as he cried into my shoulder. I stroked his hair, his back, as he trembled against me, crying softly, and continued to hold him even as his tears ran out.
Touya laid quietly in the circle of my arms, and his shivering had almost quieted. "Gomen, Yuki. Arigotou. No one's held me like this since Okasaa was still alive." I was shocked by that. He'd told me once that he hadn't cried at his mother's funeral, but I hadn't any idea that no one even tried to comfort him. Then again, maybe he didn't let them. Sometimes even with his family, he was withdrawn. But I glanced down to see him laying against me, his body lining my own. His head rested on the flat between my shoulder and chest, and was tilted up to look at me. Our eyes met, and a now-or-never moment seized me.
I leaned down, catching Touya's lips with my own. It was the compound of years of welled-up emotion for both of us, and that might've been what made it so perfect; the fact that we'd both wanted to do it for a while now. The kiss was gentle, sweet, like a brush of warm silk, then it ended. "You're not leaving me, To-ya. You're not leaving me alone," like Clow did, I finished silently. "I love you too much to let that happen." The last was said so quietly that I wasn't sure he'd heard it. It was confirmed when I felt his heart thrumming through his chest, felt it trying to escape like a frantic bird from a cage of bone.
"I love you too, Yuki," he said almost as quietly. The embrace around me tightened slightly, affectionately.
"You've been saying that with your eyes since we became friends. I've wanted to hear it on your lips for a long time, To-ya." I felt another tear slip down his face and sink into my shirt.
"We both should've said it a long time ago. We've wasted so much time, and now... " Another sob cut his words off. "It's too late..."
"It's not too late. We have time, To-ya. I think I've figured out what's happening to you. But we'll both need rest if I'm going to attempt what I'm planning."
"What?"
"Sleep, To-ya. I'll tell you in the morning." I leaned down to steal another kiss that evoked the butterflies in my stomach to life. I tangled my fingers in his hair, pressing our lips more firmly together, opening my mouth to the kiss. Touya had done the same, and I felt an explosion behind my eyes as our tongues met for the first time. I realized that I'd go beyond the ends of the earth for the beauty that was resting on me at this very moment.
And I'd found something that I'd been missing since Clow had left me all those years ago. I was home again.