Point of Presence
Chapter 17 : A Slow Ache
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I warmed up the water in the cavernous shower, then stepped into the stone and tile room, shutting the frosted glass doors behind me.
I don't think I'd ever been as frightened as I was right then. What if I wasn't able to do this? Maybe I didn't have enough power to save him. What if I failed to bind him to me, and he died anyway? Or if I did bind him, and then I died... Would I take him down with me? Then again, what proof did I have that he wanted that long with me as a companion? Maybe he didn't want what I wanted.
Too many possibilities ran through my mind, but what it finally came down to was one of five possibilities. He wouldn't let me go through with it. He let me go through with it, and I fail miserably, killing him. He let me go through with it, and I fail miserably, killing myself. He let me go through with it, and I fail miserably, killing us both. He let me go through with it, and I pull it off, and we're bound for as long as I'm alive. But if it worked, what then?
Would he be bound to me like I was to Clow? To Sakura? Or would I be his slave? My head was beginning to spin as I stepped into the stream of water, dousing my head, closing my eyes. I needed to stop thinking like this. It was very counterproductive. I just stood there for a while, letting the water run over my body, trying to relax.
Sore muscles complained, and I found myself happily ignoring them. My entire body was covered in a pleasant ache, compliments of my lover.
I startled myself when that thought crossed my mind. Touya and I were lovers...
I smiled at that. I never wanted to let him go. But what if I couldn't keep him?
There was nothing, realistically, that I could do until tonight. I'd just have to wait out the day, and hope that Touya could too. Today, I had a feeling, would either go too fast, or too slow. Maybe... I smiled at my thoughts... Maybe we could make love again later...
My body protested at the notion, and muscles I didn't know I had began to join in. I flinched as I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. My smile grew softer. Definitely later.
I gasped, nearly choking on the water as my head shot back. I'd been startled out of my thoughts when I was hugged from behind. "May I join you?" he whispered softly in my ear. I leaned back against him, catching my breath.
"You scared me, To-ya." I rested my hands on the arms that held me so protectively. "So this was why you wanted me to shower first."
"Ah, you've found me out," he growled softly into my ear, kissing my cheek. "I'll just have to make it up to you." Touya snatched up a cloth and a bottle of body wash from the nook in the wall, pouring out a little onto the cloth and working up a lather. He began to wash me from behind, my back still pressed solidly against his chest.
I couldn't stop a disappointed noise form escaping my lips as he separate us a bit, but began to purr as he started in on my back. I let my head drop back to rest against his shoulder, nestling there as he washed me. He turned to kiss my neck, one of his hands dropping to cup my ass gently. I winced as he ran a single finger down between my cheeks.
He rubbed me carefully around the edge, not entering me. He stopped when he felt me tense. "Daijobu?" he asked, looking concerned.
"I'm just a bit sore, is all." He drew his fingers away from there, trailing them back up over my hips before pausing. Touya lifted his hand up, rubbing his fingers together. I noticed that they were covered in a thin layer of silver.
"Yuki?" He rubbed his fingers together, feeling the foreign substance. "What is this?"
"Blood," I answered quietly. His hold on me loosened as he looked down. The same silver colour was washing down me in thin rivulets, carried away by the water.
"I did that to you, didn't I?" He looked at me, despair flitting across his features. "I... Yuki, I... Gomen, Yuki..." He began to step away from me, but I stopped him, laying my hand on the arms that still held me.
"You gave me what I asked for, To-ya. You have nothing to be sorry for," I told him sternly. "I told you, I don't want you regretting anything."
"But I hurt you." I turned around to face him, violet flashing gently across my eyes. I held him tightly to me as I spoke.
"It's a welcome pain that was lovingly given. I'm not hurt, koi. Don't worry. I'm not sorry for anything that has transpired. And the only thing that could make me regret is if I fail to save you tonight."
"But I do worry, Yuki. What are you planning to do?" I dropped my eyes to the floor. "What's wrong?" I struggled with myself as to how to best tell him. "Yuki? Tell me? Please?"
"I want to bind you to me," I said softly. I felt his surprise. "I can think of nothing else that would even have a chance of leaving both of us alive."
"How?" he asked softly. I looked up into those azure orbs and saw nothing but acceptance and love. It shouldn't have terrified me, but it did. He still held me, our bodies pressed together.
"I'd have to force your power back into you along with the power that I've gained over time to heal you. I cannot take it back then. You'd have to make the decision whether you'd share it back to me. If it works, you'd share my partial immortality and... live as long as I. And I'd be able to share the power you once gave me so I wouldn't begin to fade as I once did."
"I'd become a guardian, wouldn't I?"
"Probably," I answered truthfully. "But I don't know any of the other impacts. I don't know how we'd be bound..."
"And I'd live as long as you?"
"Hai, if it works. I... I offered the same to Clow, but in the end, I failed and nearly died."
"What? You..." I let Yue show through at my wrist where I'd fed Clow from myself. He'd ultimately rejected my offer when he woke whilst I fed him. His body rejected my power. He died the next day in my arms, and I was sealed by a preset spell that night. I showed Touya my wrist with the thick scar that I'd created. He held it gently in his hand, his thumb running along the raised line of stark flesh there. "Clow didn't do this to you, did he?"
"No. I made him feed from my power in an attempt to save his life. He was cruel when he had to be, but he never struck me in anger. Any scars I have are not from him." He looked at me, puzzled.
"What do you mean? This is the only scar I've seen on you."
"Yukito's form may be perfection, but that of my older form is marred beyond repair." I stepped out of his grasp, letting Yuki slip away. I swore softly when I realized I was still standing in the stream of water. My hair was soaked through. But I simply stood there as his eyes traced the battle scars on my bare form. They settled on a burn scar that covered the left half of most of my body.
"Yue, what are all these from?"
"They're from protecting Clow. I was his guardian, after all." His gaze drifted up my chest to a thick and ragged scar that crossed from my shoulder down across my stomach. It was patched with a different tone of skin, and I knew he was wondering about it.
"What are all the small ones from?"
"Whips," I said simply, not meeting his eyes. "I was captured and rather than have Keroberos face the same fate. I agreed to be their catamite as long as they didn't hurt Keroberos."
"Did they hurt you?"
"In more ways than I thought possible." I said quietly. It hurt to remember those long months that I was in an enemy's service. "I never told Clow the extent of what happened."
"Yue... Why didn't you tell anyone?"
"People were not as... sympathetic about that type of situation as they are today. I did not want my master knowing that I had failed him. But Keroberos went free during this, and he brought Clow back to save me." Touya gathered me in his arms and held me close once more.
"I cannot believe you would think that way. You protected him for so long, trusted him with your life, but you couldn't tell him the one thing that had managed to hurt you. You didn't fail anyone, Yue. You saved Keroberos from god knows what."
"He kept asking, but I just couldn't bring myself to tell him."
"Then why are you telling me?"
"I regret that there were secrets between us back then. I don't want to make the same mistake." He sighed, putting his hands on my shoulders, resting his head against my hair. His hand dropped down, and I could feel his fingertips grazing the scar tissue that covered my left hip. Hot oil had created that burn, spilled over me from a the gargoyles on a cathedral long ago.
His hands went around me, behind me, and took hold of the long bundle of hair that spilled down my back. I'd forgotten precisely how heavy it gets when it's wet. But I let him unclasp the tie that held it together and run his long fingers through the strands of platinum white. I was quiet as he held me, until I felt him working something into my scalp.
"You'll feel better when you're clean," he said as he gently massaged my scalp with his fingers. He rubbed the sweet smelling shampoo into my hair, all the way down to the tips, then carefully rinsed it out. "You haven't had this done in a while, have you?" I shook my head. How had he known? I realized that it didn't matter, and let him give his attentions.