Author's Notes: ^_^v The song, "BEKUTORU" (Vector) is by the ever wonderful and godly Sakamoto Maaya (Hitomi in Esca, and the singer of numerous anime OPs/EDs/Inserts; Cardcaptor Sakura, Record of the Lodoss War TV, Brain Powered, CLAMP Campus Detectives, and Escaflowne (obviously) are just some of the anime she's sung songs for). And, to make it even better, 99% of her songs are composed and produced by the famous Yoko Kanno (Kanno Youko). ^_^v This particular song is the coupling for "Yubiwa" on the Esca movie ED CD-Single. ^_^v (Yubiwa is absolutely awesome, btw.) Maaya-sama...*_* And now for the WARNINGS: this songfic is mostly R+1 (no, wait!! Where are you going?? Heero still loves Duo, I swear to god!). It's a "Relena finds out fic." The song just *screamed* it. :) And, yep, the song was originally in English. Maaya-sama has numerous English songs. ^_^v A million thanks again to my wonderful, wonderful beta reader Zoisite no Miko-chan! Also known as Yukito no Miko or just plain Carrie. ^_~ ***glomp*** Arigatou ne! ^_^ Let's hear it for the number one natural law of the universe, 2x1/1x2!! (I'm sorry, but gravity takes a back seat to them ^_^). (and they're owned by Sotsu Agency, Bandai, and other companies, not me -- man, that sucks ^_~). {words = song ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Title: BEKUTORU (Vector) (oneshot) By: Orihara Kaoru Rated: PG Category: Shounenai Pairings: R+1, 1+2 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ {Told myself for a long time {Don't go there {You will only be sorry {Told myself so many times {I just had to take a look {in those faraway eyes Relena held on to her husband's arm tightly. They had been married a full six years, but something was nagging her in the back of her mind. She felt like Heero's heart, the part of him that she cherished the most, didn't fully belong to her, if it belonged to her at all. She felt, though, if she asked him about it, it would only drive them apart. Thinking that having any part of Heero was good enough, she didn't say a thing. She just held on for dear life. {In them I saw a longing {for something {Maybe I couldn't give you {Said it's all in my mind {"It ain't nothing" Some nights she caught him just staring into space out their bedroom window. He would be out of bed, sitting at the desk near the window. Though she never got up, she could see the reflection of his face in the glass. In those cobalt blue eyes...she saw something. A look he had never given her. On those nights, when she pretended to be asleep, she wondered if Heero longed for something she couldn't give him, something she would never be able to give him. {Don't say that {Don't say that {Darling no {Don't say anything at all {Because I've seen it now {Can't pretend anymore {"It ain't nothing" "Heero?" she asked one day. Standing behind him, she couldn't tell if he acknowledged her presence, but she knew he was listening. "Heero, do you love me?" "Aa," he replied, stoically. She turned, tears streaming down her face, almost running to her office. Had he always been that cold to her, or was she now just noticing? He was definitely hiding something, pretending to be something he wasn't. But Relena couldn't lie to herself. She had started seeing warning signs almost from the day they were married. Heero wasn't happy. There was definitely something going on. {Do you know what I mean? {And have you seen it too? {Do you know what I mean? {Do you know? {And I'll do anything {Just tell me what it means {Cause I can't live in doubt anymore "Please, Heero!" she almost begged. They were lying on their king-sized bed. He...he wouldn't even touch her anymore. "Heero...if it's something I've done...something I need to do, please tell me! You're leaving me in the dark... Please, I love you. Won't you tell me what's wrong?" "It's not you, Relena." He turned over, with his back to her. "Heero," she said, now in a soft voice, "you must have noticed it, too. You've changed. At least in the beginning, we'd have some fun, we'd show our love for one another. Now...oh, Heero, I don't know what to think. Don't you know this is tearing us apart?" Heero said nothing, only pulling the covers tightly around him. {Do we try or should we {just say good-bye Relena was in tears as she tried to go to sleep. Did this mean he wanted a divorce? That he didn't love her anymore? She was beginning to wonder if it was worth her effort to try and keep them together at all. {If you'd rather be somewhere {that's not here {then you just gotta tell me {Cause there's so much more to life {than pretending He had been even more restless in the following months. Relena knew the day would come soon when Heero would make a decision. As much as she loved him, she would let him go wherever his heart took him. She had discovered through the years that that was what love was all about. {Don't you know {Don't you know {Darling for you {I'd do anything at all {I wanna be with you {but that look in your eyes {tells me something "Heero." She approached him with her head down, and a soft voice. "It's alright. I'm giving up the Perfect Soldier." {I wanna know {can you tell me {I wanna know {will you tell me {is it hello {is it good-bye Looking sad, and a little shocked, he said, "Relena, I..." A finger rose to his mouth to cut him off. She seemed to smile. "That's the most emotion you've shown me in six years." {I gotta know {can you tell me {I wanna know {will you tell me {is it hello {is it good-bye "It's okay." Tears were sliding down her face. Heero reached up to brush some of them away. "You'll die here. Don't...don't feel obligated to me... I don't think I could stand it if you were here only because of that. Please, just tell me...what went wrong?" {I gotta know {won't you tell me {I gotta know {you can tell me {Is it hello {or just good-bye Heero bowed his head. "That's not my only feeling towards you....but...it's not love either." Her tears seemed to increase. He added, "At least not that kind of love. I...you...you were the only one left after the war that I could talk to. I think I thought I loved you at the time, but..." She waited for him to continue. "I think I only loved your ideals of peace, of what you stood for. I'm sorry. I've always thought of you as a friend....I shouldn't have used you like this. There was someone else..." {I gotta know {can you tell me {I gotta know {You can tell me {is it hello {is it good-bye "Duo," she pronounced quietly. His eyes went wide. "You knew?" She shook her head. "Only right now, to tell you the truth. God, I'm such an idiot. I had all the warning signs, but I chose to ignore them. I'm not blind, I saw you were close friends during the war... Tell me, what happened? Why didn't you go with him?" "We were only friends during the war. I did care for him...I even loved him. But I could never tell him. I never got any indication... And then when he went off with Hilde..." "Maybe you're just as much of an idiot." She laughed. "I think he's an idiot, too. Go after him, Heero. Go after your true love." "But Hilde..." "Hilde is married and has children. And her husband isn't Duo. I keep up with *my* friends after the war," she said, smiling wryly. "Are you...are you sure?" She nodded. "But what about you?" he asked with a worried look in his eyes. "Heero, I'll be much happier knowing you are with the one you love. My love for you...it wouldn't mean much if I wasn't willing to do this." He smiled a true smile. "Thank you, Relena." {is it good-bye She watched him leave from the front window. They had already said their good- byes. She wished him happiness and love. She now felt free to pursue her own life. The problems that plagued her during her marriage now disappeared. She could now find true love, too. No more tears were shed for the perfect soldier. ~*~*~*~*~ owari Whatcha think? Music listened to while writing: Hotchpotch/Dive/Yubiwa, all Sakamoto Maaya CDs, of course! ^_^